Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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