if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm like, not good at living.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
