"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
