haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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