I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
