How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
