my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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