he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
