Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
this just has baby written all over it
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
