Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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