I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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