If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
