Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
