My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
