You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
