So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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