Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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