I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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