I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
