i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
