My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
