I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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