if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
