I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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