I accidentally had phone sex last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
