Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
