The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
