I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
