My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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