pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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