I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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