she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
