don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
