Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
