I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
