Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
