I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
