Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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