Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
