TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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