I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
