I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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