Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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