This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
