woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
