Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
