i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
