Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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