Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
