Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
