Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
