i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
