TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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