Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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