my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
