Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
